You should be grateful you aren't in my head these days. If you were, you'd be adrift in a bit of a sea of confusion. As I noted in the last post, I'm feeling indecisive. But more practically, I'm also still very, very short on having the kind of money I need to apply under the Skilled Worker class. Living in Seattle is expensive and this last year has not been one of the most profitable. In my worst moments, I feel like if God wants me to come to Canada, he'll make those funds available to me. It's a terrible, self-centered thought. Imagine making this some sort of test for God? Yes - I do that occasionally.
What I really need to do is seek His will for me in all of this. When I listen to the good part of my heart - the one where I know his spirit is - the answer is still "yes." But I also hear, "be patient." I've said before that this is something that if done, is done with a spirit of commitment. Coming to Canada isn't some experiment. And it's something that would change the rest of my life. When I remember that, I'm less impatient for God to put things in the order He wants them to be for me.
I'm going to use this time to research more and to be sure this truely is the desire of my heart, even if I'm alone. I have a feeling it is.
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