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Thursday, October 15, 2009

Emotional impacts

Just look at the archives. I've been at this since before 2005. That year marked the end of our first go-round with immigration. Now it's 2009, almost 2010. Who would've thought we'd still be at it at this point? Not me. But I know our process is actually not very long compared to many who are in the que for immigration to Canada in the family class. Some families are separated for years beyond us. Some are never permitted to reunite in Canada - sending the sponsors back home or leading to permanent separation.

This all generates a huge emotional impact. It's very hard to live in a state of constant uncertainty. It's hard to throw your hopes and dreams into the hands of an overworked, understaffed bureau and into a black hole of communications where only the slightest info is leaked and where it seems the squeaky wheel gets the oil, but if you squeak too much, they change the tire.

We have gone through feelings of loss, worry, hopelessness, and the anxiety that comes with not really feeling the earth under your feet. It manifests itself in anger, substitution, finger pointing, fear, denial, and all sorts of ways that if left unchecked can undermine even the most stable relationships. We have been lucky. We have been lucky because so far our love for each other has overcome the challenges of being apart.

Maybe this is a cautionary tale. For those of you considering this road, to understand that even when you're in it together as my love and I are - it's a lonely and rocky one. There's no GPS to guide you. You can't follow anyone else's path. It's your journey alone.

If this was about economic opportunity, I would've given up on Canada a long time ago. But it's about love. And for me, giving up on love is like giving up on life - I can't do it.

1 comment:

  1. Interesting article you wrote as it is the path we are walking too. Have not got to the applying for immigration stage yet ourselves .