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Thursday, August 09, 2012

Becoming a Torontonian

From the Urban Dictionary:


1. A person who resides in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

2. A gracious and tolerant sort of guy or gal who listens with Herculean patience and nothing but a sad sigh now and then as every ill-educated sheep-shagger, penniless cod-kisser, sexually confused lumberjack and soulless oil tycoon befouling the rest of the country badmouths him tirelessly because they don't have half the cool sh** that he does.

3. A person who starts feeling suicidal every year around the time of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

4. Someone who pays fully half of their income in taxes so that a bunch of miserable ingrates living in shacks can spend half the year on the dole, scratching their Molson muscles and bitching about how much they hate Torontonians.

5. A person who can find everything she needs within a twenty-minute walk or bike-ride from her front door.

6. A resident of the 416 area code, but mercifully not of the 905.

7. Someone who is too polite to tell his best friend, who lives in Vancouver, that, 'No, frankly I really don't wish I lived in Vancouver. Not everyone on the whole f***ing planet wants to live in Vancouver, for Christ's sake. Besides, your whole ****** drug-infested city's going to slide into the ocean some day, be it global warming, act of heavenly retribution, or one tremendous ****** earthquake. So there.'

That's what Urban Dictionary describes as someone from Toronto. I have a little gentler view. I feel like a Torontonian:

  • When I walk through a dense crowd on the sidewalk without bumping into anyone. 
  • When I can't decide between 15 places I'd like to go to for dinner. 
  • When I spend 10-minutes trying to figure out the best way to lock up my bike. 
  • When I have a choice of four arts events to attend on the weekend. 
  • When I help a tourist find their way in the city.
  • When I root for the Leafs on a Saturday night - no matter where they are in the standings.
  • When I have to decide between a rental car, a train, or a bus when making travel plans.
  • When I have to decide between four grocery stores, or the St. Lawrence Market when it's time to stock the shelves. 
  • When I'm out in the middle of the street in the middle of the night for Nuit Blanche.
Feeling like a Torontonian is a nice feeling.  

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